On Pause

If you haven't been able to tell by my lack on "cleanse updates", the cleanse has been put on pause. 

This happened for a variety of reasons, none I'm too completely proud about. I feel that at this point, even though my intentions were good, the timing was off and I was not able to focus on my ultimate goal. Even if I was able to, I think that with everything that is going on in my life right now, this raw food cleanse may have been a little aggressive for me. 

Instead of ten days, I will most likely cut down the next detox to three days. 

It appears more reasonable. My plan before was to have this detox be the beginning to a gradual life change for focusing more on treating my body right, trying to become more social and get back on track for the things that were important to me but it may be best to do this detox through this type of change. I may need to get my priorities in order, set up doctor appointments, focus on school work and then add this detox to the setup. 

For all this who supported me, I'm sorry that this minor setback occurred but please understand this is still me NOT GIVING UP. 

But shit happens. 

Day Three

How I'm feeling: 

(defeated)

So day three was a total relapse. Not the relapse like "I'm hungry - go out and buy a bunch of veggies and fruits" relapse but the "I'm having a stressful day - go out and buy a bunch of candy" relapse. This time I do feel bad. I had midterms that I was really nervous about, missing family, had a lot on my mind like always, plus I was hungry. 

I haven't been starving myself. 

But I also have not been eating what my body is telling me it wants. So around the end of my literature midterm, my hand was in incredible pain because it started cramping towards finishing and then when I turned it in my professor told me I had to write it all over again...in pen. I was about to cry by the time I was ACTUALLY finished. Plus I had to go home to read two chapters in my text book and then write a review. Something due in the morning. 

So I said "fuck it." 

Went to the school store, bought some sour candy and some fig newtons and went to town while watching "the walking dead" when I got back to my apartment. And it felt really satisfying but I felt like maybe I ruined my whole experience. No i'm not proud of what I did but this does not mean I'm quitting. I fell off the wagon and then I got back on. 

In other news...

I have been noticing small changes. My energy is still the same but I think that may be the result of bad sleeping patterns. Changes I have seen is I'm looking slimmer, particularly in my legs. This is most likely because even though I've been doing the cleanse for a few days, I bike everywhere so my legs are getting healthier. I also live in a third-floor apartment which probably contributes some. I've also been noticing my skin is looking better. I've struggled with skin problems as long as I can remember but I've always notice once I start eating a majority of fruits and veggies, my skin clears up fast. Its nice to not have to worry about my skin. Because of the relapse and because I'm starting to get use to only raw foods, I'm going to start running again this weekend. We will see how much it effects my body in terms of energy. If my body can't take it, then I'll put it off till after I'm done cleansing. 

Happy Blogging. 

photos by Taylor McCutchan and The Mexican Cannibals Are Coming Tumblr